Tranquility

[only_dabbled]

Jowan realizes later than he really should that he's pretty awful at making friends. Or maybe the other mages in this tower are just not Jowan-friend material, save the one he's made. Oh, he can have conversations with them, maybe even think they're decent people, but the minute one of them starts talking about how magic is dangerous and needs to be watched ever so carefully, they are lost as friend material. They must be crazy. Magic's the best thing in the world. Sure, it can be abused, but so can anything. Just look at the Orlesians, they oppressed Ferelden just fine without use of magic. But of course, most mages would look at him strangely for that opinion. There are exceptions, of course - Uldred, for example, also thinks magic is the best thing ever, but Uldred is a circle mage and Jowan's still an apprentice. He hasn't had much chance to befriend him. Maybe later, maybe after his Harrowing.

Viandra, on the other hand, is still an apprentice. Or - well, literally in the process of becoming a circle mage, but still technically an apprentice. Thus, how he realized that he is pretty awful at making friends. He's extremely worried about her, and there's - no one to talk to about it. No one to really talk to about it. His friend's doing who knows what, and she might die, and all anyone can say in response is how they're worried about what'll happen when they go through their Harrowing. Yeah, okay, thanks, jackass, what about the person who's going through hers right now?

She'll be fine, he's almost sure of it. It's Viandra, who's been so far ahead in creation and spirit magic that he's pretty sure she can teach Wynne a thing or two. But, almost. Almost was not certain. She could die. That wasn't nothing to him. That was the opposite of nothing to him. He was scared and fidgety and needed someone to talk to about it.

But he did have a - not a friend. Lily. And she was kind and smart and funny and oh, by the way, he was hopelessly in love with her and she was feeling similarly about him. She would care about his friend possibly dying. Because of course she would, she knew that Viandra was like a sister to him, his best and only friend. This was Lily, he loved her for a reason.

He went to her, in the Circle's tiny Chantry where she worked. He was even thoughtful enough to check for anyone that could be watching before his brave face cracked like delicate porcelain and he broke down sobbing on her. She held him, and stroked his hair, and murmured that the Maker watches over his children. Usually he didn't even go for the religious stuff, but it always sounded so reasonable when she said it. So right and so logical and so soothing. It was exactly what he needed. Or maybe it was just that she was exactly what he needed. One of the two, he couldn't decide which.

When he's less of an emotional cocktail and the embrace is more comfortable inertia instead of desperate clinging, she murmurs into his hair, "Jowan. I - I saw a form, on Knight-Commander Greagior's desk."

"... That sounds ominous?"

"It. Well. It is," says Lily. Jowan straightens up out of her arms to look at her. He takes her hand, for comfort on - whatever it is. "First Enchanter Irving signed a - form authorizing him to perform the Rite Of Tranquility. On. On you."

Whatever Jowan was expecting from her, that was not it. He stares in silence.

"They - they think you're a blood mage," she whispers.

Well they're technically right, but he's not - he's not a proper blood mage, he just - knows some things because he was curious and surmised some things from obvious logical steps that weren't mentioned in certain books he read. That's all. He wouldn't sacrifice other people for things he wanted, not for extremely good reason, he's not like the Magisters of Tevinter. He just - has a slightly more rounded education than most. A mage that knows blood magic, instead of a blood mage.

"I'm not," he says, because he's not, not really.

"I know," she agrees. "You wouldn't. But I need a good argument to defend you, a really good one, and I don't know how, there are so many templars that just - kill or make mages tranquil without hesitation, and - and - I don't want that to happen to you!"

"I don't want it to happen to me either," he agrees, a little shrilly. "But - but - Lily. Will you get in trouble trying to defend me?"

"... Probably, but I don't care, even Aeonar's worse than you losing -"

"Don't, please, I couldn't bear the thought of you in Aeonar. I'll - think of something. There's got to be another option, here. I just Don't know what it is, how do I deal with - with Greagoir and Irving deciding from on high to un-person me?"

"If I knew, I'd tell you," agrees Lily.

"I know. There's - you know who has a lot of sway with Irving?"

"... Viandra?"

"Viandra," he declares victoriously. "Irving thinks she's going to end up replacing him eventually, her opinion's got to count for something."

"But she's in her Harrowing," murmurs Lily.

"She'll make it," whispers Jowan. "She has to."

"If she doesn't, what will we do?"

"I - I don't know. We'll try and figure that out. Okay? But if it all goes wrong - I love you."

"And I, you."

They share a kiss, passionate and desperate and as much a potential goodbye as it is a declaration of love. And then, too soon, there's a noise in the hallway and they simultaneously break the kiss to listen. Whoever the source of the noise is, they don't come into the Chantry, but the moment's lost anyway. Jowan murmurs a goodbye, gives Lily a more gentle, less desperate kiss, and then goes to wait for Viandra to finish her Harrowing.