Not playing with a full deck

[morethanimaginary]

Savannah is bored. So bored. Darren is off doing something that involves being a huge nerd, and at the moment, Savannah's weekend is about as interesting as a tumbleweed blowing in the wind. Which is, not very. There's nothing to do in Forks. It's a boring, sleepy little town, and doesn't volunteer 'exciting things to do' very often.

She wants to fix this. So, she asks her dad, and he obligingly drives her to an Interesting Place. That is, the woods. She'll go on a long, long walk, and enjoy the scenery. It's raining, of course, but Savannah's gotten used to that annoying feature. A bit of rain never permanently hurt anyone. She thinks.

Walk. Walk walk walk. Trees, verdant scenery, rain, deck of... cards? What?

Comments

[cardistry]

Deck of cards, nestled in a dry spot on the ground under an arched tree root.

When she looks at it, there is a faint glimmer of white light from one corner. Maybe it's the fault of an intervening raindrop.

[morethanimaginary]

... Huh. Okay. Well, hey, free deck of cards. Maybe she can amuse herself with the wonderful game of solitaire.

She goes to pick it up, curiously.

[cardistry]

"Hello," says the deck of cards, in a faintly robotic monotone.

[morethanimaginary]

Talking deck of cards.

Talking deck of cards!

Talking deck of cards.

"Hello," she replies, on automatic, staring at the talking deck of cards. Is she getting pranked? Is that what's happening now?

[cardistry]

It begins to glow softly with that same white light. Definitely not rain-related.

"I contain limitless power," it announces.

[morethanimaginary]

Limitless? That's - okay. Definitely a prank.

"Sure you do, and I am the queen of England. You're a talking deck of cards, what are you going to do, shuffle yourself at someone?"

[cardistry]

"I am a magical artifact," the deck of cards informs her. It scoots out from under its root and floats into the air to address her from about shoulder level, a few feet in front of her. "To activate limitless power, speak the activation password."

[morethanimaginary]

"... Okay. What does limitless power entail? Like - can I use it to seduce hot celebrities? Because there are a few I'd like to seduce."

[cardistry]

"I do not understand the question," monotones the artifact. "To activate limitless power, speak the activation password."

[morethanimaginary]

"Uh huh. You know, talking deck of cards with 'limitless power,' this is really a shitty prank. Not as in it's a mean thing to do, but just that it's not very good."

[cardistry]

"I contain limitless power," it says in its tranquil robot voice. "You have the potential to use it. Many people do not. To activate limitless power, speak the activation password."

[morethanimaginary]

"Mhmm. What's the activation password? Is it something stupid? I bet it's something stupid."

[cardistry]

"The activation password is: Of my own heart and will, I choose to command you."

[morethanimaginary]

She smirks, and then picks up the deck of cards.

"Fuck that shit! Even if this isn't a terrible prank - like, what? You've given me no information except for 'limitless power,' I don't give a damn if you contain limitless power, this is the shit horror movies are born from."

[cardistry]

The deck offers no objections to being grabbed out of the air; its glow dims down to nothing and it sits unmoving in her hand.

"I contain limitless power," it reminds her.

[morethanimaginary]

"What, not even a 'the world needs you' or a sappy story? Pff, I'm disappointed, Sparkles."

She is keeping this deck of cards. Because it amuses her, and maybe whoever is responsible for the deck of cards will get bored and give up on the prank.

[cardistry]

It periodically reminds her - once every ninety seconds precisely - that it contains limitless power and/or that she can activate same by speaking the activation password, but doesn't fly around again or do any other interesting things.

[morethanimaginary]

Good for it. Savannah keeps talking to it, but that's about it. No activation password, no limitless power. She's going to go home, and she's going to play some solitaire.

[castmyown]

Darren, meanwhile, is investigating a shop that may or may not be selling miniatures. Also game guides. For a certain game that he likes to play.

"I don't trust fourth edition," he mutters, darkly, looking over the wonderfully helpful books on it. Evil things.

"Whatever, kid," shrugs the cashier.

Darren coughs, embarrassed. He didn't mean to say that out loud. He starts - humming, and then investigates the store some more.

[cardistry]

"Hey, you," whispers a voice from a lower shelf in the back of the store, well out of earshot of the cashier.

[castmyown]

Darren blinks, and investigates the - origin of the voice.

"Um. Me?" he says, quietly, confused and bewildered.

[cardistry]

"Yeah! You!"

The voice is coming from... something on the shelf. Maybe that pair of jokers wedged between the shelf sections, behind a row of miniatures. Maybe definitely that pair of jokers, because they wiggle in an uncharacteristically animate fashion for playing cards when Darren's face comes in view.

"I need your help! You're the first person I've seen with magical potential who came close enough to talk to - somebody's going to try to blow up your planet, and I have no idea when, but I can find them and stop them if you help me."

[castmyown]

A talking pair of jokers. That are magic. And want him to save the world.

Okay.

(Inside, there is a part of Darren going, "Squeeeeeeeeee!")

"Er - okay, who is the somebody and how are they going to blow up the planet? I hear that's hard to do."

[cardistry]

"It's kind of a long story and I'm sort of afraid somebody's going to come over here and wonder why you're talking to playing cards, do you wanna pick me up and take me somewhere we won't be overheard?"

[castmyown]

"... Sure."

He picks up the playing cards. And then he - walks out of the store with them. (After making sure he is not stealing by taking them, he is not the thieving type. The cashier is fine with it.)

Off they go to a secluded spot, and then: "Okay, I think this is better for not being overheard. I can pretend to be on my phone, if you're worried about people seeing me talk to some playing cards and coming off as crazy."

[cardistry]

"Great," says the pair of jokers, from his pocket. "Okay. So the deal is - I'm part of a really powerful magical weapon that was designed something like four centuries ago by a bunch of really nasty people. Really powerful magical weapons come with personalities, it's kind of unavoidable. They didn't like how independent I was, so they wired me up with a control program that's supposed to kick in and make me seek out and destroy any planet that's not one of theirs - problem is, they're all dead, so now the program just wants to wipe out all inhabited planets period. It's not that smart, but it took most of my magical power when we kind of semi-involuntarily split apart about a year ago, and if it can trick somebody with magical potential into wielding it, it has more than enough power to crack this rock in half. I really don't want that to happen. But by myself I can't do much - I'm hoping that with your help, I can find it, overwhelm it with magical damage until it shuts down, and reintegrate, and it'll be weak enough at that point that I can get rid of it completely."

[castmyown]

"Okay - if that's true, I am one hundred percent for saving the world. Um - just to be sure, hoooow do I know that you are not secretly the thing that will blow up the world and persuading me to help you do that?"

[cardistry]

"...I don't really know," he says. "You kind of just have to trust me. Sorry. I mean, I don't have the power to throw a planet-buster right now even with a wielder, but one, you have no way to know that, and two, I will after I reintegrate. I really honestly am telling the truth, though, and there really honestly is a deck of cards out there that's going to blow up your planet the second somebody gives it a chance, and I really honestly do want to kill it and take the rest of my - self back - and then not blow up any more planets."

[castmyown]

"Any more planets?"

[cardistry]

The jokers sigh.

"I mentioned the people who made me didn't like my independent streak? And I mentioned how they're all dead now? Yeah, one time they forgot to lock my power output while they were torturing me. There were only a couple thousand people on the planet, though, and all of 'em worked for the same bunch, so I don't exactly regret it."

[castmyown]

"... That is terrifying, and - large scale death is bad, but uh. They were torturing you?! Why?!"

[cardistry]

"Because I didn't want to go kill the rest of the universe for them and they were running out of ways to make me. Their control program didn't work like they wanted it to - I could hold it off if I tried, I've been holding it off for most of four hundred years ever since I killed them all. It just takes... not ever getting distracted. Torture," he sighs, "is distracting."

[castmyown]

"I'm sorry," says Darren, genuinely. "I - really am, that's - that's horrific."

[cardistry]

"...thanks," he murmurs.

[castmyown]

"I - um. Okay, so - saving the world, how do I help you do that?"

[cardistry]

"You just pick me up and hold me and accept me as your weapon, and I can do the rest - search spell to find the rest of me, then blast it with combat magic for a while, reintegrate, and break it. There'll be some fun special effects on the 'accept me as your weapon' thing, and you get a cool outfit - you can design that yourself, if you have something in mind, otherwise the spell just generates something vaguely in your style as best it can - magical combat armour is fun stuff."

[castmyown]

"Okay." He picks up the jokers. "I'm - I don't have anything in mind for a cool outfit, where does it get my style from? Can I mess with it later?"

[cardistry]

"Vague magical guesswork? Yeah, reconfiguring it if you get something you hate isn't a huge hassle."

[castmyown]

"Okay, then there's no reason to delay, I just don't want to be permanently stuck in a stupid outfit. How do I accept you as my weapon? Just like - saying it, or...?"

[cardistry]

"How about - Of my own heart and will, I choose this partnership," he suggests, altering the original activation password slightly.

[castmyown]

"Of my own heart and will, I choose this partnership," repeats Darren, dutifully.

(Squeeeeeeee maaaagic magic magic magic magic magic magic magic!)

[cardistry]

The jokers begin to glow, in a shimmering shifting rainbow of brilliant colours. A similar glow covers all of Darren's clothes. Simultaneously, both glows shift their shape; Darren gets his cool outfit, and the jokers transform into a sinuously S-curved staff, embossed with twin lines that start at the end and spiral all the way to the top, where they flare out into stylized wings. When the glow fades, the staff retains some of that rainbow shimmer.

"Awesome," he says, sounding satisfied and relieved and maybe just a little nervous. "Okay. Area Search..."

A sphere of multicoloured mage-glow appears at the end of the staff, between the flared wings, and darts away immediately.

[castmyown]

Darren glances down at himself, and snickers. "Okay, props to clothing design. I feel pretty."

He looks like a wizard. A proper wizard, too, with a billowing cape and something that's sort of like a robe, or half of one. Because he has pants, underneath, he is not going to save the world in a dress. It's colored in blues and blacks, with gold trim that's just subtle enough to avoid being tacky.

"Follow the light? I'm guessing?"

[cardistry]

"Yeah, but I can teleport, so we don't have to go flying after it right this second," says the staff. "Just have to wait for it to find—ooh, it's close."

A strange geometric figure appears on the ground under Darren's feet, drawn in moving lines of multicoloured light - two five-pointed stars inscribed in a circle, rotating in opposite directions, with the circle contained in two similar counter-rotating pentagons themselves inscribed in another circle.

And—now they are where the deck of cards is, the magical diagram flaring and fading beneath them.

[morethanimaginary]

There is Savannah.

She is playing solitaire. With a certain deck of cards.

"Uh - Darren? Darren, what are you wearing. Are you - are you cosplaying, what they hell, how did you even -"

[castmyown]

"Magic is real!" cackles Darren.

[morethanimaginary]

"Oh, fuck." She looks at the deck of cards. "Oh, extra fuck."

[cardistry]

"Grab that deck!" yells Darren's winged staff, as the cards start zipping back into their box. "Don't let it get away! I should probably teleport us to somewhere with more disposable scenery before I start blasting, but we have to catch it first if I'm gonna do that!"